I want to share with you are profound story, A Tale Of Two Islands, it’s about leaving Reality and pursuing The Dream.
Ever considered why it is so hard to facilitate change in your own life?
Let me offer some perspective:
A Tale Of Two Islands
Imagine two islands separated by the sea, if you were to stand at the edge of either island then you would just be able to make out the landscape of the other.
The first island is called “Reality” the other is named “The Dream”. What separates them is not just the landscape and contents of the islands, but the large sea in-between.
Reality has a limited supply of food, options are limited, there is minimal shelter and the future prospects of the island are bleak.
You are on Reality island.
There is just enough for you to get by, but you are neither happy or inspired by the future ahead of you. You long for something better and every time you stand on the shore of Reality you gaze over at The Dream. You think to yourself “if only I were on that island. If only I hadn’t ended up here.”
Some people were born on Reality, others for no-fault-of-their-own ended up there. And many through a series of choices found themselves there.
There was a time when people tried to improve the island. To setup infrastructure, to plant seeds – anything to improve the island. But nothing was successful. And all the while, you and the other inhabitance of Reality would long to be on The Dream – where life seemed to be flourishing with resources and opportunity in abundance.
Many of the other inhabitants of Reality would frequently tell you that it’s not actually that bad, to be grateful for what you do have. Some have even learned to be content on Reality, there is familiarity, you know what to expect, you can trust that things will be as they always have – despite the occasional storm.
Time passes, and you start to realise that Reality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That despite the positive mental attitude of those around you, the truth is, the conditions of Reality are dismal. And if you were honest with yourself, you have succumbed to a life of quiet desperation. Despite all the stories you’ve told yourself and all the rationalizations you’ve made justifying Reality, deep down you know that it’s all BS. Why? Because you know life doesn’t have to be this way, at least not for everyone. You’ve seen it in the distance, people living on The Dream – a land of aspirations, opportunity and abundance. Yet here you are, and you think to yourself “if only I could cross this sea then I could join in on life on the The Dream.”
In amidst of your discomfort you decide “I’m going to leave this place and head to The Dream.” The trouble is the sea between Reality and The Dream is turbulent and the rough waters make it impossible to cross via raft. The only way to do it, the only way you have heard of it being done, is to swim across. And perhaps that would be ok if you were a strong swimmer, but you’re not confident you’d make it. What if you died out there in the raging waters? Besides you had also heard rumours of sharks and dangerous jellyfish from those on Reality who had tried to cross before.
And so, despite your discomfort, your decision and promises to yourself to go towards The Dream, you stay on the shores of Reality. You decided to play it safe. Because staying alive here on Reality is better than dying prematurely out there at sea, or at least that is how you rationalise it to yourself…
Days go by and at first you feel bad for going back on your decision. Then weeks pass, and the feelings start to fade, and you return to normalcy, no-one judges you because after all they’ve been in your same shoes. In fact, many times you have all talked about the impossibility of crossing the sea, or how you just aren’t one of the rare few who are capable of doing it.
Now it has been years. At a time, you believed that you could have made the swim, and made it to The Dream. But now you’ve become accustomed to Reality, this is your lot in life, it’s where you are because of who you are and there is no fighting it…
Then one day you meet George. George is younger than you, about the age you were when you first made that decision within yourself to leave Reality behind and head towards The Dream. He shares with you his intentions, you fantasise together about how good life on The Dream would be. George then asks why you never left. You quiver in shame, you feel a sinking feeling in your chest, barely able to string the words together you whimper “because I can’t…”
George’s countenance shifts, he sees the despair in your eyes and says “goodnight, I’ve got something to do”.
You walk over to the beach and sit down looking over at The Dream. You reconcile to yourself that you made the right move staying on Reality, playing it safe, because you couldn’t do it, you wouldn’t have made it. Others maybe, but not you.
That very moment, you whiff a staleness in the air, a dark cloud of smoke passes overhead. You turn. It’s a fire, coming from George’s place!
You race over to see what has happened, if George’s is alright. A crowd has gathered around George. He’s standing there, face like flint, torch in hand, looking towards The Dream. You are in disbelief. A voice from the crowd yells “that idiot, he’s burned down his home, he’s gone mad!” others start to mock and ridicule George. George is silent. He starts walking toward the water, he throws the torch on the shore, dives into the water and starts to swim.
A day passes, and you are talking around the fire with some people from Reality.
“George is such a fool; the man has a death wish. He’ll never make it.”
“Who does George think he is, I thought he was my friend and then he just takes off like that.”
“The guy is a clown, he’s not a great swimmer and what about the mess he has left behind…”
All week long the slander continues, but eventually after a couple of months people forgot about George. No-one’s talking about him, life on Reality just goes on. Back to normal.
Then one day as you go about your work you see a young boy running toward you in the distance. Both startled and curious you ask the boy “what’s wrong?” he replies “I have a letter for you. It says it’s from George.”
With great urgency you snatch the letter from the boy’s hand. It reads:
“Old Sport,
You’re not going to believe it, but I made it. I made it to The Dream.
At first, I thought it was impossible. But I had made up my mind I was going to do it.
I heard what you said about playing it safe and I know everyone said how treacherous the journey can be. And I’m sure everyone thought I was a fool for even thinking I could do it. But I did. I’m so glad I burned it all down, with nothing to go back to, it only left me with one choice. When I realized staying on Reality wasn’t an option anymore, knowing that life there would be unbearable for me after what I did. I went all-in, I took the chance.
Oh, and Old Sport you wouldn’t believe it. The Dream is so much more than you’d ever dreamed it be. The people here are incredible, the food, the options and the opportunities! I’ve never had so much freedom, fun and adventure!
Forget about what the people on Reality are saying, do whatever it takes, get here. If you need to get better at swimming, then train, if you need confidence then take risks and when you’re ready, burn the place down. Because for as long as Reality is bearable, tolerable, good enough, then you’ll never leave. You’ve got to make it while you’ve still got time. I hope to see you again one day.
Kind regards,
George”
Embracing The NEED For Change
Keep in mind I’m not necessarily advocating a scorched earth policy with everything in your life. But what I am saying is; you need to reach a certain threshold of pain and discomfort before you will change. Sometimes the pull of an opportunity, and the appeal of a benefit or reward is not enough. In the field of marketing it we know that people are twice as motivated by fear than they are of gain. And when it comes to making waves in our own life, to enter into real change, sometimes the only way up is down. Sometimes we have to hit rock-bottom, utter tragedy, before we can use that as a spring-board for real and lasting change.
In my experience there is three main ways we learn to make the ‘right’ decisions:
- We follow our better judgement and make the right decision.
- We listen to the advice of others, heed their wisdom and learn from their mistakes. And then make the right decision.
We experience tragedy and trauma, learning the hard-way to make the right decisions.
Being the fool that I am, find myself in many instances in the last category. And as rough and regret ridden as that journey may be, it does give depth to your convictions…
You Were Born This Way
We are all predisposed to avoiding pain and maximising pleasure. It is childish state of humanity.
In other words: feel good, avoid feeling bad and do so as much as possible. Hedonism – the true dogmatic religion of the masses.
(That ‘masses’ includes you and I by the way)
This usually manifests itself as a pursuit of short-term instant gratification. And the neglect of the actions that contribute toward long-term satisfaction and contentment.
Nothing Is Ever Going To Change
Because without a reason to pursue something greater, we will never transcend our hedonistic impulses.
We are slaves to the desires of our flesh, yet by the grace of God we can aspire to be more than our natures would allow.
Transcending hedonism requires ambition. Ambition gives you a compelling WHY. It will allow you to abstain from short-term pleasure. To push back against the pull of your vices, sedations and escapisms that enslave you. And instead you’ll pursue meaning through intention and discipline.
You will wrestle with this internal struggle for the rest of your life. Like lifting weights, you can condition yourself to get stronger and more resilient. The consistency of getting in reps will get easier and the recovery less sore.
Ambition is only one side of the equation, everyone has ambitions, what keeps us stagnant is our fear.
You lean into fear not only because of your meat-head animalistic preferences. You grab for fear as a safety blanket to shelter you from the harshness of reality. You gravitate to your status quo to protect yourself. Inadvertently, what you instead do is deny yourself any hope of change, and harm yourself.
The Known Vs The Unknown
We’re addicted to fear. It keeps us safe, warm, in the realm of the known and predictable. It’s the excuse for why “we can’t” or “shouldn’t”. It’s a protective layer with clear boundaries and confines.
We may not like it, we may grow to loath ourselves for our dependency on it, but in truth is we need it to cope.
Consider the alternative…
Courage is terrifying – it is in someways the pinnacle of fear. It’s abundant and expansive, we don’t know where it might end or where it could take us. It is the ticket to the unknown, which, is ultimately what terrifies us. It reminds me of that scene in Star Wars where the walls start closing in. The irony is we find staying within the confines of our fear (and what is known) gives us comfort and provides what we perceive as room to breathe. And by contrast we find the idea of taking courage and crossing the boundaries of our fear …suffocating.
We stay in fear is because to some degree we worry that even what we have, we may lose.
The truth is, courage is LOSS, it is the loss of the ‘old known’, it is the breakdown of your former identity. It is the new you, in a new life, with new opportunity and new limitations.
Problems Never Go Away
Problems will always exist, all we can hope for is that the quality of our problems improve.
New level, new Devil. The resistance you face and the advisory you’re fighting only gets stronger as you go further on your quest in life. Life doesn’t get easier, it forever gets harder. The way we handle it is by getting stronger, more resilient.
Moving Beyond Your Past Failure
Depression is the past. Anxiety is the future. That’s the norm.
Confidence is present and future surety based on past behaviour and results.
The only way you’ll move from anxiety to confidence is by taking courageous action.
Courage. Definition: the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery.
Courage is the precursor to confidence.
“Confidence comes from having an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are.” – Alex Hormozi
It means getting your hands dirty, jumping before you are ready, and taking risks until you are the real-deal.
It’s not fake it until you make it, its work hard to collect evidence then you become it.
Because,
(1) You are either going to reinforce your past narrative of failure. (Which is the basis for your depression and ongoing anxiety.)
Or
(2) Through courage, you start writing a new story. A hero with a checkered and tragic past on a triumphant quest to a new compelling future.
Once you start getting wins on the board, the narrative changes, and the positive spiral kicks in. Victory is the past. Confidence is the future. That’s your new norm.
Growing Up Is A Choice
You can put off maturity without suffering an immediate penalty. It parallels with the childish state of humanity to maximise pleasure and avoid pain.
The story of Peter Pan is the perfect metaphor for this:
The Allegory of Peter Pan: Peter Pan represents eternal childhood, a state of pure potential but also of never actualising that potential into tangible achievements or relationships.
The Symbolism of Captain Hook: Hook embodies the fears and consequences of aging, including becoming a tyrant and facing one’s mortality, represented by the crocodile with a clock in its stomach.
The Consequences of Avoiding Maturity: Avoiding the responsibilities and sacrifices required for maturation leads to being trapped in a state of perpetual adolescence, resulting in social and personal stagnation.
The Necessity of Sacrifice: Maturation requires sacrificing the limitless possibilities of childhood for the reality and fulfilment of adult life, including establishing meaningful relationships and contributing to society.
Leaving Neverland (our addiction to fear, and the known) highlights the significance of embracing maturity and the inherent sacrifices associated with growing up. The danger of refusing to accept the responsibilities and realities of adulthood – means you’ll be stuck on Reality forever. The refusal to grow up and face life’s inevitable challenges (often alone) and limitations will cost you any hope of making it to The Dream.
Courage, discipline and pain is the price of your dreams and the key to activating your ambition.
Courage begets confidence, and confidence begets more confidence.
Failure, pain and tragedy leads to depression. Depression begets anxiety, and anxiety produces fear. Fear leads to inevitable and perpetual suffering. The trap, is that fear disguises itself as the comfort of what you know.
Fixing Your Relationship With Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is something we all battle with. The idea is linked with confidence, and how we are (or will be) perceived by others. The thought of getting exposed as a fraud is unsettling and fills us with anxiety.
Depression comes from when we claim to be one thing, but deep down know that it’s not true (because a lack of past evidence).
Imposter syndrome is like going into a test knowing you haven’t adequately prepared. There’s the inevitable self-loathing (depression) that ensues because you let yourself down. And there’s the anxiety that you will not perform.
So yes, one answer is to prepare and do the work.
But, tests also come with spontaneity. Without notice we need to perform. This is the pinnacle of anxiety, and yet it provokes the absolute necessity of courage.
Courage CAN come from confidence. Your track-record gives you an openness to taking courageous action. And yet the courage I want to draw your attention to is different.
I call this breaking through The Courage Threshold.
The Courage Threshold is the edge of known and precipice of the unknown. It’s a place you’ve never gone before, it’s Peter stepping out of the boat and walking on the water. You have step into what seems-to-be the impossible to even have a shot at it working. The confines of the known gives you a 0% chance of success. On the other side of The Courage Threshold is at least a chance of success.
Embracing Downside Risk
Staying within the confines of your fear, and the ‘known’ is a sure-fire way to get predictable results. Often a 0% chance of success. If the trajectory you are on cannot yield the results you want, then you need to cross The Courage Threshold.
When we roll dice or flip a coin, there’s an understanding it could go either way. A 1/6 chance or 50% chance we call it correctly. And yet, the odds of courage vs fear often look different.
Fear, comfort and the known will never yield change. A 0% chance of success. In fact the law of entropy dictates that it is inevitable that things will only get worse. The cycle of depression and anxiety will exacerbate.
Moving forward with courage, venturing into the unknown, CAN yield change. A chance of success. Nothing promised.
For better or worse …what choice do you have?
The Discomfort Of Control
We avoid taking responsibility for the actions and outcomes in our lives to escape pain.
Taking responsibility opens the floodgates of existential suffering.
Being a victim is an all-to-convenient interpretation of reality. And yet it is completely disempowering.
Responsible = Response-Able.
Embracing that you are the person response-able in your life changes everything. It all becomes your problem. Fault is irrelevant.
Fault isn’t helpful. Identifying the root cause of something may help give you understanding and closure. But it doesn’t remedy your problem(s).
Acknowledging you are response-able gives you back control over your situation and problems.
From control comes the ability to effect change.
Getting Through Your Identity Crisis
The first consequence of assuming control is self-loathing. Either because of the guilt and shame. Or because of self-pity …understanding now the burden you now have to bear.
You must forge a new path.
Breakthrough The Courage Threhsold and step into the fog of the unknown.
Like Simon Peter you may find that you can now walk on water. Or you’ll start sinking and get taken by the waves.
This is the essence of escaping the matrix. The death of the old-self reborn from the ashes as the new. You don’t know all the consequence or for sure how it might turn out.
If you make it through, the new you can:
- Walk on water
- Carry incredible loads
- Weather storms
- Become a resilient force of nature
You will be able to shape reality and effect meaningful change. Not only in your own life, but in others as well.
Charting A New Course
You are at cross-roads.
Alternatively you literally, or proverbially burn the boats. Give yourself no choice but to move forward toward The Dream.
I don’t know if you’ll make it.
I don’t know if I will.
But it’s worth a shot right?
The Antidote
Breaking through The Courage Threshold is a turning point. It’s where the scales tip in your mind. With or without confidence you embrace risk and venture into the unknown.
You give yourself a chance at a new, better life.
An ‘en-couragement’ (in other words; to be given courage by another) can make all the difference.
Today I’ll be George for you. I’ll ‘en-courage’ you to make the move, take the leap and discover who you could be on the other side of your fear.
A Glimmer Of Hope
I don’t know where you’re at or what you’re going through.
…I do know that you read this far.
Which means that this has resonated with you.
You are so close to your life changing for the better. Living an extraordinary life, by definition is uncommon.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be normal.
It will be lonely, even offensive to most, and you’re going to need a heap of courage.
Remember though, it is what you do that defines you.
When it’s all said and done it’s only your actions that will have mattered.
To your freedom and success,
– Curtis Butcher
P.S. If you enjoyed this article, please reach out and let me know. Your feedback encourages me to keep writing!
P.P.S. If you enjoyed this article, then you’ll love the next one in this series. I haven’t released it yet …but if you subscribe to my Newsletter you can gain early access.
P.P.P.S. I’ve put together a new class. “How To Create Better Content, Faster, And Refine Your Charisma So You Can’t Be Ignored“. Check it out here.
